A wonderful bunch…

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I am so pleased and a little overwhelmed to announce that after just over a year of hard work we have finally reached out first target!

A few nights ago, I was talking to a good friend I have made online, chit chatting as we do about life, good times, hard times and then she asked; “do you mind me asking how many Cuties until you have your first go?” I only round up once a month, as a very impatient person it’s better for me to do it like this, that way I see progress and it’s always nice to update our total in the newsletter.

So anyway, I got my calculator out and added up our GoFundMe page and of course our adopted Cuties. And the answer is… 17 and a half to go, not many at all, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, hope! Then she said, “please would you let me and my partner donate the last bit to you?” My initial reaction was no, don’t be silly! I know that anyone who has ever helped, no matter what they do, has their own struggles and I don’t expect anyone to go above their means to help us. I’m not divulging anyone’s secrets here but as a small (tiny) business owner, I know how hard times are and how much work it takes for things to become substantial, life is tough for everyone.

So, as kind as the offer felt, I was also a little embarrassed, I really don’t like to take money off people as it is. I told her, don’t worry, I will get there and you have already helped so much, beside, all I really want from you is your friendship.

She was very insistent (in a nice way of course) and promised that it was ok, she said that they wanted to do it.

And then she said: “I want you to wake up tomorrow knowing that you’ve got one go, have one day with peace of mind, for you to know that you finally have a chance, you’ve worked so hard”. I’m crying as I write this remembering how touched I felt by her words.

So, after some (friendly) battling, I finally agreed and shortly after, the counter went up, one go at IVF, done!

I’ve been talking to this lady for some time now, she’s a BIG cutie fan and she often tells me how seeing Dotty online cheers her up, she can’t wait for the newsletter every month and she has become a genuine close friend. So, I want to give a big shoutout to my pal Channa and her partner Mey. Thank you so much for giving my mind a day off.

I eventually managed to get to sleep and when I woke up in the morning I did indeed feel a little lighter. I felt like I’d achieved something at last, despite the negativity I still encounter too often, I’ve made a great new bunch of new friends who believe in me and who have got me this far. So grateful.

We know that the road ahead is long and without guarantees so as hopeful as I am, my feet remain solidly on the ground and I am not giving up. I set out to reach three cycles of IVF so I will keep going. I would really love to keep making Cuties, to keep networking and chatting to everyone, madebysteffieb is my life and a big part of my therapy.

A lot of questions are in my head right now, do people like the Cuties because they support my cause or because they like the Cuties, is everything going to end now, should I stop doing what I do, will people think I should stop? My morning “lightness” started to dissipate a little by the afternoon but just for that day, I decided I would enjoy the moment and smile, a real true smile, because there really are some good people in the world. So I treated myself to an afternoon with one of my favourite Welsh lady, Stella Morris :) Sadly I fell asleep and woke up at the end!

I have worked really hard to get to where I am today so I don’t think I should just give up, in fact I really don’t want to. And if you are happy to keep supporting me I’d like to keep going, plenty more Cuties to be made yet and Dotty still has more adventures to be had.

IVF won’t be until July for us, there is a lot to prepare for especially from the medical side of things but I’ve been having a few hospital visits and tests recently so things are definitely on the move and at last, we are going to have IVF!!!

Still, as I said before, there is still a very long and scary road ahead but in the meantime, I really wanted to thank you ALL again for everything you do, not matter how little or big you think it is. For me, it’s huge. Whether you share us or you’re a Cutie addict, whether you go shopping with your Dotty bag or you sell Cuties for us, thank you for listening to my rants and for trusting me with yours. I hope we still make you smile and I hope that we’ll get to still do it for a long time.

Also, I must thank my Shaun of course, my constant, my best friend (sorry I’m a nightmare), my parents who always believe in me and encourage me and of course my amazing team; Dotty, aka DD aka Dot, Fluff our favourite hammie, Pedro the penguin and Eric the snail and last but not least, my gorgeous Billy, my faithful companion who sits by my feet all day long and gives me backache as I try to reach over to the computer.

Now that I’ve met you all, I’m very glad that I didn’t take the short road all these months ago. There is still hope for me.

You really are a wonderful bunch!

Thank you, thank you, thank you xx