How dare I…

2017-08-02

Aaaahh good old school holidays…

It’s only been a week and already my social feeds are clogged up with people complaining about them!  A time to moan, a time to be annoyed, bloody kids staying at home, wanting to play, wanting attention… sounds awful! I try to ignore these posts but on a bad day, it can be quite difficult, actually to be honest, it’s a real downer and although I have felt more like myself again lately, yesterday was a particularly low day.

Shaun and I have adopted two kittens, or shall I say two tearaways… Rosie and Matt, cute as buttons, fluffy as unicorns, totes crazy!  The house was so quiet it was definitely a great idea but they are both a reminder of Billy and of course are no substitute for children.

So, a low day indeed.  Although summer is never great for a lot of businesses, this summer has been terrible for me. Not selling is bad enough but when you’re selling to save up for something and it’s not happening, it can have a terrible effect on your mind.  

Should I just let the summer pass hoping it picks up?

Should I give up?

Is it me?

What do I do…?

I have a box full of new Cuties to get in my shop for Halloween, a shop full of Cuties to adopt, plans to redesign my website, but I just sat there despairing, such a big part of me thinks that my dream is over.  IVF was tough and yes I might well get one more go in a few months, but really, I just turned 44, things are not looking great.

Part of me feels forgotten about, well, I mean the reason I’m doing this is forgotten – my infertility and the state of my mind that accompanies this.   I spend so much time messing around online, Dotty, our garden, Cuties, jokes, laughs.  I feel like we’ve moved on from babies and mental health, I feel like people have.

SteffieB; the woman who was saving up for IVF, it didn’t work, ah well never mind. The impact has gone but my issues are still very much real for me.

So, yesterday I felt so low and all I could see what the complaints online, school holidays are”hell”! Hell? Really?   

Do these people know what hell is?

Ask anyone who’s lost a child what they think about these kind of comments.  Ask someone with a terminal illness who’s not going to see their kids grow up how they feel about school holidays, ask someone who can’t have children how they feel. These comments are selfish and childish but it’s me who’s inconsiderate apparently. Poor bloody you!

Just for once, I put a post on Facebook, nothing nasty, I was distressed and I let myself down, a moment of weakness. I just had to say something.  

I posted: Please stop complaining about the school holidays, enjoy your children, be grateful for what you have and be careful what you wish for. Thank you”.

Oh noooo, how dare I?! How dare I put out a serious post on my page, about my infertility journey! It’s not all Cuties and rainbows in my world you know.

Don’t get me wrong, overall the response was very positive of course, because most of you DO care. Most of you DO understand that now and then things might get me down. Most of you give me that space to vent when I need to. And that’s because most of you aren’t self-centred!

But, there is always one, or two… You say I should let other people air their views in this “free world” but didn’t consider that I was airing my views on my page about infertility… yet I’m in the wrong and belittling parents?

How dare I let my “group” of people antagonise the poor parents struggling to spend weeks with their children during the holidays… (the worst time for me actually because I have to put up with you shouting at your kids in the shops and on the streets, so a time when I spend very little time outside my house).

Of course kids can be a headache, but really why have them in the first place if you hate it so much? Did you really think being a parent would be a walk in the park? Yes, it’s probably the hardest job on earth, but it is also the most rewarding, so get off Facebook and get on with it! What happens when in a few years your kids get to read what you said about them on Facebook? Great parenting, how very loving and kind of you!

Perhaps lessons in parenting would help? Maybe staying off Facebook and being hands-on with the children will help?  Try entertaining them, rather than checking social media, you might actually enjoy it.

Having a healthy baby is a gift, it’s a blessing and it’s not until you can’t make one, or lose one, that you realise how complicated and cruel nature can be.

I don’t fully know how challenging it can be but I am 44 yrs old and I do have some knowledge of life. I have helped bring up other people’s kids in my time and I know the struggles, but to go and complain in a public place about it is just immature, inconsiderate and plain rude, not even towards me, towards your children. They could be taken away in an instant, and then what, you’ll ask for sympathy on Facebook because “your baby’s gone”?!

Think about what you say, it’s not just me you’re upsetting.  It’s other parents who actually are grateful and enjoy their children’s company. It’s those who have lost a loved one. It’s those who’s children have flown the nest. I feel sorry for you, that you are so short-sighted that you agree that living with children is “hell”. Hard work? Yes! Hell? Unlikely!

Today, I was accused of alienating people and their feelings.

I’ll leave you with this… it’s a world where it’s all about families. I can’t turn the TV on without seeing an advert for kids, listen to a radio where they talk about families, open Facebook and you’re here moaning about your kids! I’m sorry I hurt your feelings… but please give me a break! It’s my page and now and then I’m going to “crack”.

When you chose to follow me, you chose to support my plight with infertility. I’m not perfect and I’m sorry that I can’t pretend everyday that everything is rosy, it’s really not!

How dare I post how I feel on Facebook…  ;-)

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